umberilla1

Oh, wait up, I’ve got to flip this thing right-side-out again. Sh*t, one of these little aluminum umbrella knuckles snapped off and half of the fabric is now flaccidly hanging down and dripping water into my collar. Whatever. It’s fine. Thank God for roadside umbrella vendors, amiright?! They have the best deals around. $25? No thank you! It’s much smarter to buy 8 $5 umbrellas a year than invest in a “sturdy” one. F*ck! The wind here is insane. Like 3mph! I feel like the rain is coming sideways up under my umbrella. Oh, no, it’s just coming through the fabric. That can’t be right. Yes, that’s right. This umbrella has 9 holes and is made of cotton. I’ll just buy another one when I hit the next vendor.Is it vaguely overcast today? Jolly good! I have just the thing: a long-stemmed and expensive umbrella that I bought when I spent my semester abroad at Oxford. Oxford University, that is. Watch as I swing it jauntily by my side or gently lean on it in the posture of Mr. Peanut. Ho Ho! What fun! The weather forecast only says there’s a 10% chance of precipitation? Pish-posh, I say. One should always be prepared for rain. If, however, there is a real chance of rain, I leave this umbrella at home. I bought it at Oxford, you know. I can’t risk ruining it in the rain.�